Mom's Adventures on Noah's Ark

It's been a while since I entertained you all with some of the adventures my mother has been through so I thought I would start the week off with that. If you missed the prior stories, you should go check them out to find out what Mom can do with a reindeer and how she likes to hang out on the roof. Everyone seemed to enjoy them, so I figured I needed to spread them out a bit.

By the way, to any new folks who are popping in and/or deciding to stick around, I say, "Howdy!" Okay, I don't normally use that word, but I'm so glad you're here! Feel free to grab a drink at the bar and pull up a seat. Hey, this is a friendly atmosphere around here so once you've been here to visit, you are considered family and you serve yourself.

On with Mom's next adventure... On a trip to Pittsburgh a couple of years ago, Mom and Dad wanted to take me to Kennywood, which is an amusement park not too far from the downtown area. I had never been, at least not that I remembered, and they had such fond memories of the place growing up.

In case you didn't know, I absolutely LOVE amusement parks. I used to hate roller coasters, until my mother taught me the proper way to enjoy scary rides. I'll save that story for another day, but she has always been the Queen of amusement parks. Now that she's getting a bit older, she can't handle the jarring of many of the rides anymore, which is a shame. She used to always tell us if she died on a roller coaster, we would know she went doing what she loved.

So while they are telling me stories of growing up with the occasional trip to Kennywood, I wanted to ride some things. Well, being with just my parents and uncle, there were a few things that I just rode by myself. My uncle suggested we at least go on Noah's Ark together.

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Doesn't this ride look petrifying? Dad decided to wait in the shade, and the 3 of us go get into line. As the cut-off's happened for each group to enter, me and Mom ended up the first to get in the elevator which would take us down into the Ark. This would mean we would be the last ones going into the elevator to come back out later.

We walk through looking at all of the animals and things, just a typical, very tame amusement park event. Of course, they have areas where things are triggered as you walk through, but not anything that's really scary. Then we get to this area where there are shaking and moving floors. I guess it's supposed to simulate the rocky seas and landing on the rocks. My uncle goes through first and then me. I stop as soon as I get off of the "bouncing section" to look back and make sure Mom is behind me. I tell her to just come on and not to stop. Of course, she stops, right in the middle of this section!

She ends up getting in a hysterical giggling fit because her boobs are bouncing. She's trying to hold them down with one hand and hold onto the handrail with the other hand. She ends up on her ass, bouncing on this floor, laughing like a crazy person. Now I couldn't reach her without getting on the floor myself, but I was afraid I'd end up stuck right there beside her. Not to mention, I'm laughing my head off at this crazy old woman who could get stuck on Noah's Ark! You know when you are laughing that hard, it's hard to get anything accomplished, especially helping someone up off of the floor.

Luckily, when the rest of the group got to the elevator they noticed they were missing two, so my uncle came back for us. He came around the corner, busted out laughing, and managed to reach my mother to pull her right up and clear to safety. I love that man! You have to know this particular uncle. He's very much the funny man in the family, so he got a huge kick out of this whole situation. Needless to say, Dad got an earful when we came off of this "terrifying" ride, and I don't think we'll be talking Mom into going on any more rides, tame or not.

If you are ever in the Pittsburgh area, you should check out Kennywood. They have some pretty fun stuff, and   a lot of history on the grounds too, including some Revolutionary War stuff.

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Guest post by Jimmy.. Dad Said A Bad Word

Jimmy over at Jimmy's Opinion has decided he wants to participate in the guest posts about funny things our parents have done. Go check out his blog when you are done here. He's great and tells some wonderful stories. If you'd also like to do one of these posts, just let me know. I especially enjoy having one to kick off the week since I'm so cranky slow to get moving on Mondays. Thanks, Jimmy! Amusement parks are awesome so I love this story, and I think everyone else will, too. 

Dad Said A Bad Word

I love telling stories about my family and my Dad is one I most likely have a million about. My wife, Cindy, and he have had a few practical jokes bounce between them over the years. When she and I were first married, they started giving each other a hard time even though they had never met face to face. They had been talking on the phone since we married about who was better than the other and which one was going to “Get” the other first.

We were living in New Mexico at the time and took a trip to South Carolina so Cindy could meet everyone. Just as we were driving into the town my Dad lives, he calls to see if we were close. Cindy tells him we are somewhere in North Carolina. We were actually on his street. She hands me the phone begging me to play along. We are now sitting in his driveway and I find myself saying that we had some car trouble in Cherokee, NC, and we were going to need some repairs once we got there. This was not actually a lie as the rotors were warped and we were planning a brake job the next day. While I am talking to him, Cindy goes to the door and knocks. I can see her go inside while I am still talking. My Dad was sitting on the back door steps and Cindy is going through the house begging everyone to keep quiet. I want you to know that at this point she had not met anyone face to face here. She goes out the back door and leans down to my Dad’s ear and whispers “Can I Talk To Jimmy.” I hear the phone fall and realize that my call had suddenly been dropped.

My Step Mom says that he turned to look at Cindy as she leaned close and said “Gotcha.” He replied, “I’m gonna kick your *&#” for the next couple hours. This was all the man could say. Anytime anyone said anything he looked at Cindy and said, “I’m gonna kick your *&#.”

On our way home, we decided to go through Atlanta. By doing this, we could take the kids to Six Flags over Georgia. My Dad thought this was a good idea and said he would go to Six Flags with us. On the way, we were all excited and talking about the rides. The plan was to all ride one of the Roller Coasters at the same time. The lineup was that I would ride with Tim because he was pretty small at the time and I could protect him, Melissa would ride with Randy because they were both tough and could protect each other, and Cindy would ride with Dad so he too would be protected.

“The Georgia Cyclone” was the choice. We were all excited to ride this old wooden roller coaster, and the ride was quite intense as it about beat me to death. This was just on the initial climb before we were released to suffer/enjoy the thrill that is “The Georgia Cyclone.” Melissa told us that we were exaggerating how rough it was while we stood in line for the pictures, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words and those pictures showed the skin on our faces stretched all the way around to the back of our heads so I feel we were not exaggerating. My Dad suggested going home and headed toward the parking lot. This was only our first ride and Cindy goes after him with the promise that the next ride will be slower. We will ride one where we can all sit back and relax. A slow ride down the river just to recuperate from the roller coaster she tells him and also promises that he “shouldn’t get too wet.” I see you are thinking that he should have known better right there.

“Thunder River” was the choice she made. You know the ride with the large tube where the seats all face inward. Half of the seats are wet and the other half are not, so Dad picks himself the dry seat and grins as Cindy and I have to sit in a wet one. The ride started off calm until we hit the rapids. A big splash of water went right over both Cindy’s and my head hitting Dad right square in the face, and here comes the line he made us familiar with earlier “I’m going to kick your *&#.” Cindy, through her laughter, tells him it’s a fluke and he shouldn’t get any wetter than he is now.

OK, now we are hitting the rapids again, and when he missed the next drenching, he is smiling. The river slows to a relaxing pace and he is trying his best to get the water off of his glasses from the first splash. All of a sudden, there is a rock formation with water flowing over it. We are now looking at a small waterfall. Dad is eyeing this and breaks into a grin as Cindy and I are traveling backwards right towards it. He is almost laughing at this point. Then his whole expression suddenly changed as the tube stops and makes a 180 placing the water falling right on top of his head. Sad thing is he was still wiping his glasses when the tube emerged out of the water fall. He never looked up and you know exactly what he said. Yes, Dad said a bad word, and this was the last theme park trip he made with us and to this day we get the same answer when we invite him.

Jimmy