What ever happened to...?

Everyone seemed to like my post about some of the 80's rockers and what they look like now so it gave me an idea. Considering how much I enjoy doing research and looking stuff like that up, I thought I'd let you give me a focus. Tell me who you would like to know about and I'll see what I can find out. Did you ever wonder where a certain character on your favorite show ended up? What about a favorite singer or group that just seemed to disappear and you never had the time to find out what happened?

It doesn't even have to be someone who is famous, although historical figures could be considered famous, too. Is there a court case/true crime event you never heard the outcome for? Ever heard a phrase that you always wondered about or a tradition and wanted to know where it came from? I am one of those crazy people who just looks it up!

So let me know here in the comments what you'd like me to get information on, and I'll do my best "Sherlock Holmes of the Internet" impression to find out.

Of course, I'll try to make the posts humorous unless they met some untimely end that I just can't spice up. Don't feel shy about suggestions either. Sometimes I have no clue what has happened to people when it seems everyone else on the planet already knows. If you want to, you can always email me at talktaurus@gmail.com. You know if you all don't give me some direction, I'll just have to bore you with people who interest me. I came up with this after looking up Allison DuBois who I posted briefly about yesterday and who is apparently a huge fraud (or so I got the impression). If you'd like to know more, let me know and I'll share what I found.

On a similar note, I seriously think I'm going to try to look for a research and/or editing job. I keep saying that's what I enjoy doing, so why not, right? Surely there's an author out there somewhere who could use cheap labor, until I get some experience anyway.

For now though, I thought I needed to give you all some laughs so here are some cute things I stumbled on that should be good for a chuckle or two.

Since you all love my Bailey stories (and if you don't, just sit there and take it!.. Yeah, I said it! No, wait. DON'T LEAVE ME!)... This morning she decided I wanted to get up an hour early because she heard something outside that got her barking. She actually grabbed my Nike from the floor, jumped on the bed, and threw it at me! I couldn't believe it. For those who don't know me very well yet, I cherish my sleep time in the mornings. I was not amused when I went outside and there was nothing there that interested her.

Guest post by Jimmy.. Dad Said A Bad Word

Jimmy over at Jimmy's Opinion has decided he wants to participate in the guest posts about funny things our parents have done. Go check out his blog when you are done here. He's great and tells some wonderful stories. If you'd also like to do one of these posts, just let me know. I especially enjoy having one to kick off the week since I'm so cranky slow to get moving on Mondays. Thanks, Jimmy! Amusement parks are awesome so I love this story, and I think everyone else will, too. 

Dad Said A Bad Word

I love telling stories about my family and my Dad is one I most likely have a million about. My wife, Cindy, and he have had a few practical jokes bounce between them over the years. When she and I were first married, they started giving each other a hard time even though they had never met face to face. They had been talking on the phone since we married about who was better than the other and which one was going to “Get” the other first.

We were living in New Mexico at the time and took a trip to South Carolina so Cindy could meet everyone. Just as we were driving into the town my Dad lives, he calls to see if we were close. Cindy tells him we are somewhere in North Carolina. We were actually on his street. She hands me the phone begging me to play along. We are now sitting in his driveway and I find myself saying that we had some car trouble in Cherokee, NC, and we were going to need some repairs once we got there. This was not actually a lie as the rotors were warped and we were planning a brake job the next day. While I am talking to him, Cindy goes to the door and knocks. I can see her go inside while I am still talking. My Dad was sitting on the back door steps and Cindy is going through the house begging everyone to keep quiet. I want you to know that at this point she had not met anyone face to face here. She goes out the back door and leans down to my Dad’s ear and whispers “Can I Talk To Jimmy.” I hear the phone fall and realize that my call had suddenly been dropped.

My Step Mom says that he turned to look at Cindy as she leaned close and said “Gotcha.” He replied, “I’m gonna kick your *&#” for the next couple hours. This was all the man could say. Anytime anyone said anything he looked at Cindy and said, “I’m gonna kick your *&#.”

On our way home, we decided to go through Atlanta. By doing this, we could take the kids to Six Flags over Georgia. My Dad thought this was a good idea and said he would go to Six Flags with us. On the way, we were all excited and talking about the rides. The plan was to all ride one of the Roller Coasters at the same time. The lineup was that I would ride with Tim because he was pretty small at the time and I could protect him, Melissa would ride with Randy because they were both tough and could protect each other, and Cindy would ride with Dad so he too would be protected.

“The Georgia Cyclone” was the choice. We were all excited to ride this old wooden roller coaster, and the ride was quite intense as it about beat me to death. This was just on the initial climb before we were released to suffer/enjoy the thrill that is “The Georgia Cyclone.” Melissa told us that we were exaggerating how rough it was while we stood in line for the pictures, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words and those pictures showed the skin on our faces stretched all the way around to the back of our heads so I feel we were not exaggerating. My Dad suggested going home and headed toward the parking lot. This was only our first ride and Cindy goes after him with the promise that the next ride will be slower. We will ride one where we can all sit back and relax. A slow ride down the river just to recuperate from the roller coaster she tells him and also promises that he “shouldn’t get too wet.” I see you are thinking that he should have known better right there.

“Thunder River” was the choice she made. You know the ride with the large tube where the seats all face inward. Half of the seats are wet and the other half are not, so Dad picks himself the dry seat and grins as Cindy and I have to sit in a wet one. The ride started off calm until we hit the rapids. A big splash of water went right over both Cindy’s and my head hitting Dad right square in the face, and here comes the line he made us familiar with earlier “I’m going to kick your *&#.” Cindy, through her laughter, tells him it’s a fluke and he shouldn’t get any wetter than he is now.

OK, now we are hitting the rapids again, and when he missed the next drenching, he is smiling. The river slows to a relaxing pace and he is trying his best to get the water off of his glasses from the first splash. All of a sudden, there is a rock formation with water flowing over it. We are now looking at a small waterfall. Dad is eyeing this and breaks into a grin as Cindy and I are traveling backwards right towards it. He is almost laughing at this point. Then his whole expression suddenly changed as the tube stops and makes a 180 placing the water falling right on top of his head. Sad thing is he was still wiping his glasses when the tube emerged out of the water fall. He never looked up and you know exactly what he said. Yes, Dad said a bad word, and this was the last theme park trip he made with us and to this day we get the same answer when we invite him.

Jimmy

Talkative Taurus Award Revealed!

I was trying to think of what I wanted to post today when I remembered I haven't revealed the Talkative Taurus blog award yet. Hmmmm... What should the rules be? I already know who the award is going to because that was decided immediately after reading a certain post last week. It had me rolling laughing! So as much as I would love to give this award to all of my wonderful peeps, this one just had to be done.

Yes, that's my baby, Bailey. She was still a puppy there and was a tad mad at me. Can you tell? I thought the picture was fitting.

The first official "Stop the Madness" award goes to Miley at Musings of a Confused Woman for her post, "NOBODY I know is normal (really)."  If you don't follow her, you should! At the very least, you have got to read that post. It is freaking hilarious!

On to the rules.. This award should be given to one blogger you follow and granted because of a certain post where they just really cracked you up, or they pointed out something that was so outrageous or crazy that it just made you think, "Holy crap! Stop the madness!" Ya know what I mean? Congrats, Miley. I can't wait to see what post you think is worthy of passing this gem off to. What makes Miley laugh? Wait.. Do I want to know that? I'm scared. No, I think we've already established that I must not be normal because you know me, right? Oh hell. Bring it on!

So to give you a little more to laugh at, I found some funny images today when searching Google for "crazy pictures." I don't know why, I just thought it would be interesting to see what came up. Some things were pretty disturbing. I'll let you decide if they are ones I included or not.

This sign needs to be posted outside of a certain family member's house.

Okay, I admit this one was disturbing, but I had to include it. Need some brain floss now? I know I do!

What the...??

I don't doubt that, Hillary.

Because I thought it was cute....
.

My person favorite, and because I totally believe that. Yes, that means you people! :)

Jumble Love and Piss Brownies.. You heard me right!

Jumble Mash gave me an award! Isn't it cool? I absolutely love it, and since I love it when people think what I have to say is funny, that makes it all the more better! Yes, I said "more better" but I just got an award, so did you expect me to be coherent? Really! Anyway... Thank you, Jumble Mash! I am so tickled you found me (or I found you.. however it happened) because you have done so much for me and my little blog. You rock, woman! All of you other people, go follow her if you aren't already. You will not regret it, and the fact that she points out funny blogs should show you that she is one funny chica.

So there are a few rules to this award, but they are pretty simple.

1. Thank the person who gave you the award. (Check, check! Done it twice now.Once here and once there.) 

2. Tell a funny story to accept the award.. or at least tell a joke. (Oh the pressure!)

3. Only pass on to ONE other blogger. (Only ONE???? Holy crap! Do you know how hard it is to limit a Taurus???)

4. Now stand up and do a happy dance. (Check, check! Doing that for the second time now, and no, you can't have video of it! It's not a pretty sight. Trust me.) 

Funny story.. Funny story.. Come to me, dammit! I got nothin'. 

(Several minutes later... ) Don't you just want to smack that blinking cursor at times like these? Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to make that cursor blink, anyway?

(Still later... ) Oh, yeah! I was telling a friend about this story on Facebook the other day, and I've been meaning to blog about it, so here goes. 

I used to be the President of the Board for the Booster Club for a local minor league hockey team. We raised money to provide things for the hockey players because most of them basically came to town with clothes, their hockey equipment, and not much else, especially the single ones. Plus, we had parties and things for them. Anyway, we had this guy in the front office who used to fight us every chance he got on things we wanted to do. He really was the only obstacle we had at the time, and he was an arrogant ass. He would tell us we could do something only to wait until we had spent money on said project before changing his mind. Like I said.. He was an ASS!

Now we used to tailgate before and after hockey games on the weekends, because you know southerners will tailgate for anything. Everyone had their specialties that they made and contributed to the food pile, and one of our friends made the most awesome brownies you have EVER had. I think they had some kind of cream cheese icing on them. You know anything with cream cheese is good, because I'm pretty sure it was made by God himself.

So as the night was winding down, I forget for sure, but I think it was my friend Misty who was trying to give away the last of the food. She accidentally flipped the last "awesome brownie" onto the pavement in the parking lot. Five second rule, right? It was immediately scooped up and put back into the pan. Misty and I end up getting into a conversation about how many drunk guys had probably pissed in the parking lot, so there was NO WAY either of us were going to eat it. But we hated to waste it.

Right about this time, up walks the asshole asking if there were any of those brownies left. How perfect! We didn't waste any time handing it over with a smile. We got a hysterical laugh out of how we made him eat the piss brownie, whether there was really piss on it or not. Of course, he thought we were a couple of Simpletons (and I proudly wear that name now thanks to Simple Dude, so note the capital S!) who couldn't help but giggle about his awesomeness as he was walking away. Little did he know. It was our little private victory for all the anguish he had put us through. Well, it wasn't so private since we pretty much told anyone who would listen what we had done. 

Now, who do I give this wonderful gem of an award to? Honestly, I think I'll pay the Jumble Love forward to the Simple Dude, since I already gave him some blog love anyway. Go visit him if you haven't already. He makes me laugh, and I love anyone who makes me literally laugh out loud. 

Reindeer games for Mom

I've decided to have some guest bloggers, and I figured that getting funny stories that involve our parents would be a great topic. I happen to have a bunch of stories that are hilarious about my parents, especially my wonderful Mom. She will not be happy to have these out there for all the world to see, but then I don't have THAT many followers, right? Ha! She's a good sport, so I'm sure she'll say, "Thanks a lot, BRAT!" And she'll press on with life.

One time when I was in high school many years ago... Wait, it wasn't THAT many years ago.. Okay, it was a good many years ago... Anyway! I was walking home from the bus stop and I noticed that pretty much all of the neighborhood kids were surrounding my back yard. What the ...? I walk in the house to find my mother pacing and freaking out! There was something terrifying in the back yard apparently, but it sure didn't seem to scare all of the neighborhood kids.

Now my parents intentionally bought the house they live in because all that was behind it was a golf course. So they figured no one could ever build behind them, right? Makes sense. But through the years, they have had some interesting creatures wander into their yard because that's the bonus of living near nature. Nature normally loves my mother because she won't let us harm any of God's creatures. (You never know where she has bird's nests around that place.)  This was going to be a first for her though.

Apparently, this scary creature.. or one like it... (And I know I could have gone to Mom's and dug out the picture of the real one, but still!) was inside the fenced-in back yard.

What the hell is everyone looking at?

You have to understand that my mother was all about her yard, and always has been. She had walked into the back yard to find this deer. Her first thought is that the deer is probably thirsty, so I'll go get a bucket of water. Seriously? That was your first thought when seeing a freaking deer in the back yard? I don't know about you all, but that wouldn't have been my first thought. Maybe, "How the hell do I get the deer out of the yard?" Or even, "What the hell?" 

She comes back with her bucket of water for the deer, and apparently the deer decided this lady was loony tunes and needed to get some exercise. He starts chasing her around the yard. 

Not the expression I picture my mom having on her face...

Now, I never knew that deer had a predatory side to them, but she swears it happened. We had an above-ground pool at the time, so here is the deer chasing my poor mother around and around the pool. Have the visual yet? For some reason I have always pictured her running with the bucket of water, too! Ya know, getting soaked and hollering at the deer the whole time, "I was just trying to be nice and give you some water! I'm good with nature. Didn't the others tell you?"

At some point she makes a break for it and runs into the house. I assume she's soaked at this point, because like I said, in my mind she was running with a bucket full of water. 

Somehow word gets around, though I'm not sure there were any actual witnesses to the running escapade. She calls the game warden to come get the deer out of the yard, so we all watch this deer walk around the back yard like he has every right to be there. 

The game warden arrives and wants to put the deer down right in the back yard. What the hell? There are children around, morons! Do you really want to kill Bambi right in front of their innocent little eyes? Of course, we talk them into just tranquilizing the deer so we can tell all the kids that the deer is just taking a nap. When they are able to get close to the deer, they find it had cut itself on its chest probably from the cross ties on the top of the fence when it jumped in. So when Mom moseyed out into the yard, he just got spooked because he didn't want to battle that treacherous fence to get back out. 

Needless to say, we have tormented Mom for many years about her bond with nature and all of the creatures she comes into contact with. Do you have a funny story about your parents you'd like to guest blog about? Let me know! Jumble Mash is coming up with something for me now, and I think Mynx is going to give it a whirl, too. 

My brave, brave dog

I just realized that I don't think I've written about my dog yet, which is very strange since she means so much to me. Her name is Bailey, and she's a mutt rescued from the shelter. Well, actually she rescued me. When I saw her little speckled face, I just had to have her. Can you blame me?


"I am not nearly as innocent as I look, but don't you love me anyway?"

 Now she is about two years old since we estimate she was born around Thanksgiving, and she is the love of my life. Although she can do things that drive me crazy (what loved one doesn't?), she brings so much joy to my life.

She is the best watch dog ever! She hears and smells and sees things I've never even seen another dog notice. She notices planes up in the sky, for God's sake. One thing I love about her is that she can spot a bug in my house in a second! I hate bugs, so having her point them out to me so I can rid the world of them is just fine with me.

For the past two days, she has been upset that there was a bug on my ceiling. The first time she noticed it, I did actually get on a step stool to check it out because it almost looked like a tick or a beetle from afar. This bug just about drove her to the brink of sanity, especially last night. She ended up hiding under the kitchen table for a while last night from the thing! Yes, my big brave dog was reduced to a cowering baby over THIS!

"I know I didn't put on my makeup today, but what the hell is wrong with that dog?"

A ladybug is such a scary creature, as you all know. As you can imagine, she was driving me crazy about the ladybug. She barked at the thing forever before she finally decided I wasn't going to kill it so she should go hide from it.

I know you're probably thinking, "Why the hell didn't Krissy just kill it?" Well, I'm a superstitious person, and I've always heard that it's good luck to find a ladybug in your house. With the way things have been going in my life, I wasn't about to tempt fate by killing a ladybug!

Eventually, the ladybug was nice enough to fall down and land right on my remote control. So to pacify the watch dog that I could effectively remove the eminent threat myself, I walked over to the door and set the ladybug free.

I know that story kept you on the edge of your seat with anticipation, but I thought I needed to share it. For those who will be MIA for the rest of the week because of the holiday, have a Happy Thanksgiving! I'll be checking in and probably blowing you all away with another heart stopping story like this one.

"I don't care what she says, that story never happened. Do I look like the type to cower from a ladybug? Ha!"

Holy crap.. and TGIF!

I have a good "holy crap" and a bad "holy crap." First the good one. Jumble Mash was kind enough to follow me today. Yay! That's my first follower who isn't a friend or family member, so I am psyched! Please check her out. I'm sure she'll be overwhelmed by the masses that will come from my blog at this point.

Maybe this means others will follow me now. Geez, I hope so. I feel like I'm talking to myself here, people. And yes, I do that all of the time anyway. But now Jumble Mash is my new BFF. No, wait! Don't leave. I'm just saying... I'm tickled you are here is all.

Now for the bad one. I went to George's Truck Stop near the plant to get lunch today. I've gotten lunch there before, and the food is pretty good if you like southern fried cholesterol in a styrofoam box. Sometimes we need those carbs and fat grams though, am I right? Well, today I wanted to order something different so I asked for their chicken sandwich. I get back to the office, bite into it, and am stopped suddenly.

Do you see that ginormous bone? Yes, what you are seeing is a regular chicken wing and leg slapped onto a piece of bread. I'm sorry I ordered a what now? A chicken sandwich! I don't know about you, but my sandwiches don't generally have bones in them. I realize I am not used to every southern custom even though I've lived here most of my life, but how the hell do you each a sandwich like that? I know this isn't Chick-Fil-A, but work with me people.

On another note, I am glad it's Friday! I am tired and need to sleep at least until the sun comes up, for God's sake. I was just about to get my hopes up thinking I didn't have anything to do this weekend when it hit me I have to go to my great-niece's birthday party tomorrow. They live about 45 minutes from me. Well, Saturday is shot, but I'll be glad to see the kids and the rest of the family anyway.

God's wrath for helping puppies?

Last Thursday I went to the animal shelter to meet someone who wanted to foster a dog. I was doing a good thing, right? I thought so anyway. Well, while I was there I thought one of our pregnant dogs could use some more food. So I went over to where the food was and scooped some into her bowl. As I went to stand up, I thought it would be fun to BONK! my head on a fan they use to blow air on the kennels in the summer. I don't think the puppies I threw food on found it any funnier than I did.

So I move on to go help some of the other creatures there before we go. Ya know, make sure everyone has blankets and beds to keep them out of the cold as much as possible. Then I decided to step off the little drain ledge that's around back by the big dogs and twist my ankle. Did I really deserve that? Wait... You aren't thinking I'm clumsy or anything are you? 'Cuz that would just be rude! I was in pain... And am still in pain. I think a week of this ankle thing is enough, don't you? After all, I was trying to be helpful! Of course, I had to walk on this wonderful ankle for the fund raiser we had over the weekend, too. My house will never get clean at this rate. And yes, the ankle is the only reason I'm not cleaning at this very moment! Because I love to clean on Thursday nights after working all day. It's how I roll. Really... (No smartass comments from my family and friends about the cleaning thing now.)

Something's wrong with this picture...

I've been meaning to share these for some time. Notice anything wrong?

This picture was shown on an episode of Dateline, I think it was. (I'm a true crime junkie!!) But this was on the outside of an interview room at a police station in Austin during a story they were covering. I swear I need a job as a detail person on some TV show. Details like someone's hair being different two seconds later and hubcaps being missing in a car chase drive me crazy!

And this one is at a store down the street from me. Sorry I couldn't get a better angle for you. The day I wanted to take the picture some idiot decided to park right in front of it! But anyway... These people not only paid for this wonderful banner, they've had it hanging outside for QUITE some time now.

Now, if someone can explain to me why I had to put that picture in rotated for it to get loaded on this post straight, I'll be much less confused than the people who made and hung up these two signs!

It's Friday... Glad Facebook is back!

So for once I wasn't caught up in an issue with Facebook being down. What the hell? I actually wasn't on it yesterday because I had some other issues which I won't bore you with. They have a movie coming out (or it is out... who knows when you don't have a theater in the town you live in), and they help promotions of it by screwing up? Typical! I'm glad it's back up today, and it better be okay tonight. How most of my friends survived without it yesterday is beyond me. The horror!

So how do you like my new look? I HAD to use that bull when I found it. I guess I need to harrass someone about how to design this thing better. If you haven't ever seen her blog before, you should check out Kristine at Wait in the Van. She is hilarious! She has an "ask the van" section that I guess I'm going to have to raid for help with this sucker. If you all know of some other humorous type blogs, let me know about them.

I have been reading blogs more lately than I've been writing in this one because I've been getting ideas and seeing what people are following. Of course, mostly it's all about me, so come to terms with that and you'll be fine. If not, just suffer in silence please.

Football season is here so prepare to hear me vent and/or brag on my teams on occasion. I am a huge Steelers fan, and in college it's pretty much Penn State and THE USC. Let's be clear from the start that anytime I mention USC, it is the first USC. The one that has been in this country the longest and is not named after a condom. The real USC would be the University of South Carolina, no matter what those crazy people in Cali think. Just so you know... Now let's hope my boys don't get slaughtered by Auburn tomorrow after I just set them up on that pedestal. But if you see me ranting about the Gamecocks or hear me hollering GO COCKS, you know I'm not talking dirty to ya.

I found out this week that my great-nephew received some "Aunt" clothing from an Aunt on the other side of his family. I was not thrilled with that. Don't they all know I'm the professional aunt, and now have the title of Great Aunt?! If there is "Aunt" merchandise to be purchased, that is my job dammit! At least I can still say I bought him his first one.

To clarify something I mentioned earlier, no I don't have a movie theater in my town, just like I don't have a Walmart. See why the internet is my link to the outside world? Mom jokes that I have to "come to the big city" on occasion just to go shopping. The town they live in is 45 minutes from me, so I am usually making the trip with a list in hand. Try seeing how easy it is to only go to the grocery store and Dollar General for things and see how long you last. It's peachy, I'm telling you.