Whose reality is this?

There are many things in this world that make me wonder about people. I don't watch many reality shows because for the most part I think they are stupid. For some reason, I decided to watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last season, and before I knew it I couldn't turn away. Now I know why some people can't stop themselves when it comes to this crap. It's addicting to watch these train wrecks continue! (Read what I wrote about some of last season here.)

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Right now, they are done with the second season and stirring everything up on the reunion episodes. It actually looks like they are causing more hurt feelings than there were in the season. What kills me is when they all say that Russell never showed signs of abuse in front of them. (For those who don't watch, he's the reality star who committed suicide last year, and it was revealed that he had been beating his wife, Taylor.) Really?... Seriously?.. I noticed in the first season when Taylor Armstrong was at events that he was all about controlling the situation and making sure she had NO fun at all. He was especially big about going against what she wanted and making her leave before she was ready. Did this not give anyone hints? And that Brandi person? Oh, I just won't even waste blog space on that crazy wench.

Anyway, I got so tickled watching the Beverly Hills women in all their insane glory that I thought I'd check out the Real Housewives of Atlanta which is just starting its new season. Holy crap, those women are involved in even more drama! Someone please put on some regular TV and quit with these reruns lately so I can claw my way out of this reality drama!!

Seriously??? (Source)

I will say the only reality show I have watched religiously is Big Brother. Although I get a bit aggravated that they are getting dumber and dumber contestants while thinking all we want to see is hot bodies. Not that I will deny having eye candy on the show deters me from watching it. Just sayin'.... I just wish they would go back to the original format where EVERYONE got to vote and they got to see everything that was done in the house before making a decision. This "jury" thing is for the birds.

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So what reality shows do you all watch, if any? Why do you like them? Has this "so-called" reality stuff ruined TV for the rest of us?

Don't make me M'Bop someone!

So what is up with my Zoo Crew? I feel like I've missed so much lately. I am going to be catching up on blogs as soon as I can, although I don't think my Reader will ever empty with all of the awesome blogs I follow! For those who are new around these parts, I hope you make yourselves at home. There are cold beverages and a full bar most of the time.

Did anyone else find it disturbing to see Hanson perform on Dancing with the Stars last night? I didn't watch the whole show as my phone kept ringing off the hook, but there is something bizarre about seeing grown (I am using that term loosely here) men sing "M'Bop!"

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I must say, I didn't care for it... Not one freaking bit! Now I sound like a dirty-mouthed Dr. Seuss. I did not like that, not one bit. Okay, moving on....

Are you all sick to death of Kate Middleton and Prince William yet? I'm thinking that I'm glad we didn't have TV coverage like this back with Diana got married. At least, I don't remember them covering it this way. I remember watching the wedding, and I'm sure I'll watch this one. What girl hasn't dreamed of marrying a handsome prince and having the wedding of a lifetime? Not that I think William is handsome, and I definitely didn't think his dad ever was. I remember wondering why the hell Diana would marry that guy, but I guess it was a fairy tale even if the Prince wasn't handsome. 

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I'm sure Kate's wedding photos will be much better since she is marrying a Prince with Diana's genes.

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I must say though, that if I didn't truly like both of them (I mean, as much as you can like royalty that you read about in the press and see on TV) I'd want to rip her hair out and smack him around a bit for being all over everything I look at lately. Do we really need to know what underwear she's shopping for and about the idiot guard who said she snubbed him and got his dumbass self fired by posting about it on Facebook? And I need to know even less about Harry being back with his old girlfriend. Bless his heart, he is just not appealing to me whatsoever. I'm sure that breaks his heart. 

By the way... Remember when I told you I got a new mattress? Well, I went the next day to buy an entire bedroom suite. Here is a picture I took with my cell phone in the store, so of course it doesn't do it justice. 

But you get the idea. It's a really rich, kind of Southwestern looking wood. I'll take more with the REAL camera after they deliver it! (I paid $1386 for it when it was regularly $1848, by the way.)

Anyway, the salesperson who was there when I went to purchase the set (I had to go back the next day because it was 25% off), told me that the mattress I bought also would have been 25% if I had waited one more day. She also tells me that I could have gotten the box-spring as well for less than the mattress! Not to mention, the manager who rang up the sale and handled the whole thing for me didn't bother to tell me that I could lose a 10 YEAR warranty on the mattress if I don't buy the box-spring. What the ...? You are shitting me, right? Nope!

So the salesperson was majorly upset that I wasn't told all of this. She tells me to let her get with the manager and she'll get back to me. I go back yesterday for her to refund the sale on the mattress and ring up the set. Guess what this little swindler tried to do this time?! She tells me that I originally got 12% off on the mattress so she's going to give me the 13% off on the box-spring to make it right since that would total 25%. Ummmm... Lady, I don't know what kind of backwoods people you are used to dealing with, but that is SOOOOO not right.

For those who are a little bit math challenged, let me break this down for you. This is what she wanted to give me.

$599 (mattress) with 12% off=$527.12   

$399 box-spring with 13% off=$347.13

For a total of $874.25, which in her mind totals 25% off. Not hardly!

The complete set is supposed to be sold for $799, which is a savings off of what she was trying to pull right off the bat! What I ended up arguing for and paying for was this....

$799 at 25% off = $599.25.

Far cry from that crap she tried to pull, right? Anyway, I just had to share this small town math with you. I guess she thought I was an idiot who was willing to keep paying since I had spent $2000 in her store in two days. I may be blonde, but I did not fall off of the turnip truck yesterday, my peeps! It was the day before at the very least.

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You didn't just say that on TV!

Now, I know I have mentioned that we always get the dumbest people on television to represent our state. Luckily, this didn't make national news, but of course, I'm going to share it with you. Because I really don't think I could give you all a worse impression of how the hicks in our state are compared to what you already think of them.

Not too long ago there was a bad wreck in Columbia, SC. I was watching the news and they were talking about how they had to reroute traffic around this fast food restaurant. The reporter was talking to an eyewitness who said the truck came barreling around the drive-through and flew into oncoming traffic. You could tell from the expression on the reporter's face that he hadn't had any prep time with this woman, and he was a little hesitant about even talking to her. If you had seen her, you'd know what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, I can't even find a picture that does her justice.

So the witness goes on to tell us what she saw. She was very antsy throughout the whole thing, and she kept glancing over her shoulder looking at the scene where all the cops were gathered around. Then the reporter asks her, "So, what went through your mind when you saw all of this? Were you scared?"

The witness responded, "I don't know, man. I was stoned at the time." Wait, what now?

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Yes, you read that right. She was STONED at the time and just admitted so on television. The reporter looked like a deer in headlights for the flash of a second, and then he smartly sent the feed back into the studio. I know he wanted to kill someone, and he couldn't get away from her fast enough. I wonder how long it took for her to be arrested?

In other wonderful news, remember the professor I've been fussing about? Well, if you've missed it, I've had this one professor who has been nit-picking me to death and has pretty much been no help. I get the pleasure of having again next term! Isn't that fantastic? The school loved his work with me so much that they wanted to give him another shot at ruining my 4.0 GPA in my LAST term of school. Yay! By the way, he still hasn't finished grading my work from this last course, so the school is showing my status as incomplete at the moment. You gotta love that, right? I'm so excited I can hardly keep from beating my head into a wall.

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Finally, a friend of mine who I haven't seen in 14 years is coming to visit this weekend! I can't wait to see her and meet her significant other who she's been living with for quite some time now. I've talked to him on the phone before, so he thinks he knows me. Wait until he gets a taste of me and D in the same room together. I'm taking Monday off because she says she's getting here Saturday night, but they still don't know for sure how long they are staying. Now THIS news I AM excited about if you didn't catch my sarcasm earlier.

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And on a final note, just because I thought it was a cute cartoon...

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Friday Foolishness - 2nd edition

I figured there was no other way to give you all this information without just continuing the craziness that was the first edition of Friday Foolishness. I really didn't expect that to be a catch phrase that I would continue using, but I just might. I guess you'll have to stick around to find out. Now sit your ass down and have a cocktail. It's 5 o'clock somewhere, right? I wish to hell it was here!

One of the girls at work came in and asked us if she could borrow some alcohol this morning. No, not the fun kind. The kind that burns when you put it on a cut. Well, I guess they would both do that. But you know what kind of alcohol I'm talking about!

Of course, I had to ask her what was wrong. I work in the safety department. I'm nosy that way. She proceeds to tell me a story you all will NOT believe. I know I almost didn't.

She shows me this place on her arm that's pretty red and tells me she thought she had a mole there... LAST WEEK! Okay, huh? I mean, I know everyone is worried about cancer and stuff, but looking at her arm it's obvious there was never a mole there. I've cut moles before, since I have them all over me. (Thanks for passing those down, parental units!) Those suckers bleed like crazy, I'm here to tell ya.

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So she continues on by saying that she noticed a couple days after she noticed the "mole" that it was a little red around it. She figured she caught it on something or whatever, so she put Neosporin on it and kept it covered with a Band-Aid for a few days.

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She uncovered it at work this morning to look at it when a co-worker saw it. The girl freaked out and asked her what the hell she was doing. She started explaining her story when the newcomer looked at her like she truly the dimmest bulb in the box. It was a freaking TICK on her arm.

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Let me say that again.... It was a FREAKING TICK! On her arm. That had been there for a WEEK! How do you not know a tick is chewing on your arm for a week in a spot where you could visually see it very easily? I mean, I could understand if it was in her hair or something. No, no I couldn't. But anyway...

She was actually treating the tick with Neosporin and a Band-Aid while it was making it's best effort to give her freakin' Lyme Disease. I just thought that was too bizarre not to come share it with you people. Do you feel enlightened now? Do ya?

Happy freakin' Friday, folks! I am soooo ready for cocktail-thirty to get here. That would be 4:30 to most of you who use clocks to determine when you get off work.

In more stupid news...

There are more things wrong with this story than I can probably count. First of all, a meth head decided it would be fun to drive with his wife on the hood of his car. His wife thought getting on the hood of his car would stop him. Hey! Sound like a winning headline waiting to happen? Well, some nutcase or nutcases in California thought it would be a great turn in their lives.

A man in California was apparently trying to leave his home after an argument, and his wife climbed on the hood of his car to try to stop him. The man is a meth addict so that wasn't going to deter him. Somehow I don't think the scene looked anything like this...

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According to the story, she was holding onto the windshield wiper blade of their mini-van as he went for 35-miles and got up to speeds as high as 100 mph, which was witnessed by someone who followed them after seeing the bizarre happenings. What the...? A mini-van going that fast would be a sight all on its own, but the woman plastered to the front of it would have really blown my mind. He eventually slowed down enough so that she could roll off, and the person who has been following them took her to the hospital where she was treated for hypothermia since it was in the 30's that night. 

Okay, this woman has obviously made winning choices in men. He's a meth head.. HELLO! Why would you attempt to hold onto the car if he is determined to drive away? I'm sorry, but there isn't that much love in the world for me. My ex was an alcoholic (long, long ago) and we fought about him driving, but I wasn't going to put my ass on his hood to try to stop his crazy self. 

What's even better is this same winner in the story climbed into a 6 foot deep trash container about a week before this and threatened to drown himself in the 5 inches of water that was on the bottom. Seriously? To begin with, EWWWWWWWWW! And if they had let him do it then, his wife wouldn't have taken that scenic ride on the hood of the van. I know I shouldn't joke about suicide, but c'mon!

I just... *sigh*... I can't even put into words how freaking nuts this whole thing was. My mother always told me that if you lie down with dogs you are bound to get fleas. Do you think fleas could have stayed on this woman at 100 mph? 

Friday Wrap-Ups and other silly stuff

I have a bunch of little things I need to take care of with you all today and some funny news things I just have to address. First and foremost.. It's Friday! Wooo hooo! I am so glad because this has been a long damn week. I am ready to get my weekend started even though I have a lot to do around the house.

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Secondly, I have to announce the winner to my first giveaway. After randomly assigning you all numbers, I used one of those automated generator thingies and Jimmy from Jimmy's Opinion won the gift card to CSN Stores. Congrats! I know he will be so thrilled about this since it's what he's always wanted, I'm sure. Well, maybe he can give it to his wife or someone if he doesn't want it. If you don't follow his blog though, you should go check him out. (I'll email you the information for the gift card, Jimmy.)

Now on to more fun stuff. Did you all hear about the smugglers at the US/Mexican border trying to use a catapult to launch drugs over the border into the United States south of Arizona? Freaking. Medieval. Catapult!

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The US Border Patrol saw what was going on and informed the Mexican authorities so they could be detained. This just goes to show how desperate they are with the crackdown on Arizona borders. Those guys are sitting over there going, "Shit! How do we get our drugs in now?" 

"Fuck it! Let's just throw it over. I know, a CATAPULT!" 

"Dude, that would be classic, ese." (Don't ask me why he sounds like a combination surfer/Mexican. He just does, okay? Shaddup!)

I love that the Border Patrol guy said he had never seen anything like that, but that they are trained for anything. Huh? If you've never seen anything like that, how are you trained for it? 

On another note, someone has officially proven that it doesn't matter what your degree is in as long as you get one. A Canadian woman who attended Liverpool Hope University is the first person to get a Masters degree in Beatles studies. No, I don't mean the bugs. I mean the freaking Beatles! Someone please explain to me what the hell you do with that degree? I'm trying to think of how that conversation would have gone with her parents when she made the decision to enter that program. I know my parents would have told me I'd lost my damn mind. I'm thinking "you're an idiot" and "who the hell is going to pay you to do something with that for the rest of your life?" would have been stated at some point. 

That's about as brilliant as this sign someone put on the sink in our kitchen at work the other day.

 

Finally, I mentioned that I got an award yesterday. I actually got it from two different people. On My Soapbox and The Habitual Hobbit both think I'm funny enough to have granted me this little gem.

Thanks so much to both of you! Please go check out their blogs, because I think you'll love them. This award means a lot to me because you all know I try to make people laugh if nothing else. Even in my rants, I can be pretty humorous at times. At least I think so, and obviously someone else agrees... or, two someones. 

Now, I am supposed to give this to 7 people and tell you 7 things about myself. Honestly, I don't think I'm going to pass it on simply because I have seen this award around A LOT lately. I know there are some of you who still deserve this award, and I'm sure you will be getting it. Just not from me. Not right now. I'm being a rebel today, can ya tell? 

So Happy Friday, everyone! Have a great weekend, half-assed or not. :)

South Carolina is back in business... kinda!

If you weren't aware of it, we have had some wonderful winter storms down here in the south this week. Now before you fuss at me to stop my whining, let me put this in perspective for you. I know some of you great folks live in areas where snow is a regular occurrence. I actually enjoy snow, and I'd love it if we got more of it. Unfortunately, our state is not equipped to handle snow. We don't have snow plows or salt trucks to clean the roads or make them a little more drivable for us. Another problem is that most of the time we don't get this...

Scene out of my kitchen window last winter...

We get something that looks like this instead.

It took me 30 minutes to thaw out my vehicle for it to be drivable to work Tuesday. It takes me 6 minutes to get to work, so do you see why I wasn't amused by this?

We lost power because the trees are so freaking heavy with ice that they SNAP! Have you ever heard a bunch of trees just snapping? It sounds like really loud thunder as they all just fall. At least this year it wasn't as bad as the ice storm we had 7 years ago, but still. Why can't we get NORMAL cold weather, ya know? I was so thrilled when we had that snow last year, but that is a rare occasion. And it never lasts for more than a day, if that. Usually it's all melted the same day.

My neighbor was mad because when the power went out Monday, she decided to run to the bank. Ummm, this is South Carolina, chica! The banks are closed. Everything is closed. I love how the news reports say "schools and government offices had to close." Since when does the government need an excuse to close? Most of those offices get more days off than the rest of us chumps.

I also hear about how we can't drive in this crap. Well, NO ONE can drive on ice! I don't care who you are. No, we don't have the practice of driving on snow, but we also don't have the equipment to help with that either. People down here might not be able to drive, but at least they are MY non-driving people. I know what stupid crap they are going to do, so I know what to look out for. My preference is to stay home and curl up on the couch during this madness. If only my employer would agree with that notion...

Screwy Street... My Half-Assed Weekend Post

I've decided to jump on the Simple Dude's bandwagon and try my hand at his "My Half-Assed Weekend Post."

I am all about editing and criticizing pointing out stupid things in movies and the world that aren't right. You know, like a car going around a corner in a high-speed chase with a dent down the side of the car, and when they go around the next corner, no dent. Those types of things drive me bananas! I really need a job as an editor and/or researcher, so speak up if you know where I can find one.

Anyway, I've posted before about things that I've seen in my world or on TV that are not right like in my "Something's Wrong with this Picture" post. Most of you weren't around back then so check it out. It's short and sweet, but if you're anything like me (and you must be to be here and reading this), you'll enjoy it.

To get to my point, there is this town near mine that I have to go to on occasion because they have a Walmart and we don't. The quickest way to get to many of the things in that town that I want to see is through a bad neighborhood, so I don't dilly-dally in that area. But, as I was driving out of that town one day, I happened to glance down a side street (because you don't want to be caught looking at the drug dealers) and saw something that amused me.

Now, as you can see, this is a one-way street. Why the hell is there a stop sign at the other end? Is it because they KNOW crackheads are going to be driving the wrong way down this street, and they want to make sure they know not to just drive across the other street? I'm sorry, but that just gave me a chuckle. And I love all of my followers, but I am NOT stopping beside two crack houses to take a picture. I really don't know what you all would do without me if the drug dealers shot me because they think I'm a narc. Well, not that I think your lives would be devastated or anything, but it's nice to think you'd at least notice if I was gone. There are many ways I've thought of leaving this world, but being killed trying to get a picture for my blog is not one of them!

Talkative Taurus Award Revealed!

I was trying to think of what I wanted to post today when I remembered I haven't revealed the Talkative Taurus blog award yet. Hmmmm... What should the rules be? I already know who the award is going to because that was decided immediately after reading a certain post last week. It had me rolling laughing! So as much as I would love to give this award to all of my wonderful peeps, this one just had to be done.

Yes, that's my baby, Bailey. She was still a puppy there and was a tad mad at me. Can you tell? I thought the picture was fitting.

The first official "Stop the Madness" award goes to Miley at Musings of a Confused Woman for her post, "NOBODY I know is normal (really)."  If you don't follow her, you should! At the very least, you have got to read that post. It is freaking hilarious!

On to the rules.. This award should be given to one blogger you follow and granted because of a certain post where they just really cracked you up, or they pointed out something that was so outrageous or crazy that it just made you think, "Holy crap! Stop the madness!" Ya know what I mean? Congrats, Miley. I can't wait to see what post you think is worthy of passing this gem off to. What makes Miley laugh? Wait.. Do I want to know that? I'm scared. No, I think we've already established that I must not be normal because you know me, right? Oh hell. Bring it on!

So to give you a little more to laugh at, I found some funny images today when searching Google for "crazy pictures." I don't know why, I just thought it would be interesting to see what came up. Some things were pretty disturbing. I'll let you decide if they are ones I included or not.

This sign needs to be posted outside of a certain family member's house.

Okay, I admit this one was disturbing, but I had to include it. Need some brain floss now? I know I do!

What the...??

I don't doubt that, Hillary.

Because I thought it was cute....
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My person favorite, and because I totally believe that. Yes, that means you people! :)

Google geniuses

I have seen someone else do this on a blog, and I can't remember who. But I thought it was funny as hell, so I thought I'd try it. Start typing in a Google search and you will see what geniuses out there are searching for.

What I typed in: What the hell


What I got:
1. What the hell is a gigawatt?
2. What the hell is a hufflepuff?
3. What the hell is a g6?
4. What the hell has obama done?


So I thought I would educate my fellow (insert catchy name for my followers I haven't come up with yet).

1. Apparently this is the title to a song by Four Year Strong? Okay, if you say so. I am so out of the loop with modern music.

Awwwww, aren't they festive?

For those of you who thought that was an educational search like me, a gigawatt is one billion watts. So it would curl your hair permanently, my friends. 

2. Apparently this is some group on Facebook (What the hell is a Hufflepuff? is actually the groups name) and it's a reference to Harry Potter's something or other. I'm not into that movie or the books like a lot of people are. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I just haven't seen the appeal. This is the description of the group on the Facebook page.

"For those Hufflepuffs who are ignored by Dumbledore and all the wizarding world :(

Let's raise our voice, Huffies!

Brilliant quote from "A Very Potter Musical"

Yeah, I think someone has been huffing something, anyway. I'm not sure I'd want my group to be called Huffies, but then I guess Puffers wouldn't be any better.

It's almost more disturbing what you get with Google image searches!

3. G6 can refer to many things including a howitzer, a musical note, cars, and planes. I feel pretty confident they were searching for the G6 that was the precursor to the G8 though right? At least I'm hoping they weren't searching for a howitzer! The G6 I am referring to is of course the group of the 6 largest nations that made up the European Union.

4. Now on to the Obama issue... Well, since this search is the one that made me laugh the most, I had to check it out to see what comes up. Apparently, someone cared enough to buy the site www.whatthehellhasobamadonesofar.com. Ya know, I don't think I've ever been mad enough to buy a website just to bitch about something. But more power to ya if you have! You would not believe how many sites came up with this question though, and I found it funny that I didn't see one mention of his dumb ass wonderfully deserved Nobel Peace Prize. 

Now do you feel more educated for having read this post? In summary, we have huffing G6 members who don't understand Obama and want to buy howitzers or jolt him with a gigawatt? Hmmmm, I don't think that's what I was supposed to learn from that exercise, but I hope the FBI isn't all over me for saying so. 

My dentist is hot!

Today I had the horrible job of going to see my dentist. Now normally, I would hate this almost as much as going to the gynecologist, but I had to change dentists about 2 years ago to a new guy because my dentist retired. Now it's not so bad, because my dentist is HOT!

I don't mean hot like I'd slap your momma to get some of that like this guy ...

I'd make Jason Statham take his shirt off, too!

But he's hot anyway. I kept trying to figure out the whole time I was there today how I could click a picture of him, but I couldn't come up with a good enough story to justify it. Everything I thought of made me sound like a stalker, and I've already been accused of that elsewhere. *Ahem!* 

He has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen, and with the hint of gray at his temples, it just makes them shine all the more. He was in a chatty mood today, and it didn't hurt my feelings one bit as I got to sit there and practically drool on him. Good thing he couldn't read my mind. And I had an excuse for the drooling thing at a dentist's office. Right? (By the way, look up "drooling woman" on Google images and check out the crazy shit that will come up. What the...?)

As I was walking up, I did notice something that amused me though.

It's one thing to have the step painted yellow... and the banister... but did we really need the sign, too? There's one on the other side also! Obviously someone has tripped over this tremendously high and inconspicuous step before enough times that it prompted them to have to take all 3 measures (I'm hoping only one at a time) to make it more visible. Stupid people really amuse me sometimes. 

See, I told you I could write a post that didn't include animals! ... Oops! Dammit! 

Something's wrong with this picture...

I've been meaning to share these for some time. Notice anything wrong?

This picture was shown on an episode of Dateline, I think it was. (I'm a true crime junkie!!) But this was on the outside of an interview room at a police station in Austin during a story they were covering. I swear I need a job as a detail person on some TV show. Details like someone's hair being different two seconds later and hubcaps being missing in a car chase drive me crazy!

And this one is at a store down the street from me. Sorry I couldn't get a better angle for you. The day I wanted to take the picture some idiot decided to park right in front of it! But anyway... These people not only paid for this wonderful banner, they've had it hanging outside for QUITE some time now.

Now, if someone can explain to me why I had to put that picture in rotated for it to get loaded on this post straight, I'll be much less confused than the people who made and hung up these two signs!