You didn't just say that on TV!

Now, I know I have mentioned that we always get the dumbest people on television to represent our state. Luckily, this didn't make national news, but of course, I'm going to share it with you. Because I really don't think I could give you all a worse impression of how the hicks in our state are compared to what you already think of them.

Not too long ago there was a bad wreck in Columbia, SC. I was watching the news and they were talking about how they had to reroute traffic around this fast food restaurant. The reporter was talking to an eyewitness who said the truck came barreling around the drive-through and flew into oncoming traffic. You could tell from the expression on the reporter's face that he hadn't had any prep time with this woman, and he was a little hesitant about even talking to her. If you had seen her, you'd know what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, I can't even find a picture that does her justice.

So the witness goes on to tell us what she saw. She was very antsy throughout the whole thing, and she kept glancing over her shoulder looking at the scene where all the cops were gathered around. Then the reporter asks her, "So, what went through your mind when you saw all of this? Were you scared?"

The witness responded, "I don't know, man. I was stoned at the time." Wait, what now?

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Yes, you read that right. She was STONED at the time and just admitted so on television. The reporter looked like a deer in headlights for the flash of a second, and then he smartly sent the feed back into the studio. I know he wanted to kill someone, and he couldn't get away from her fast enough. I wonder how long it took for her to be arrested?

In other wonderful news, remember the professor I've been fussing about? Well, if you've missed it, I've had this one professor who has been nit-picking me to death and has pretty much been no help. I get the pleasure of having again next term! Isn't that fantastic? The school loved his work with me so much that they wanted to give him another shot at ruining my 4.0 GPA in my LAST term of school. Yay! By the way, he still hasn't finished grading my work from this last course, so the school is showing my status as incomplete at the moment. You gotta love that, right? I'm so excited I can hardly keep from beating my head into a wall.

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Finally, a friend of mine who I haven't seen in 14 years is coming to visit this weekend! I can't wait to see her and meet her significant other who she's been living with for quite some time now. I've talked to him on the phone before, so he thinks he knows me. Wait until he gets a taste of me and D in the same room together. I'm taking Monday off because she says she's getting here Saturday night, but they still don't know for sure how long they are staying. Now THIS news I AM excited about if you didn't catch my sarcasm earlier.

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And on a final note, just because I thought it was a cute cartoon...

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Open season... on fans?

I know many people have been excited about the opening of baseball season. (For those who don't care about baseball, this is not a baseball post.) Since I'm a Pirates' fan, then I have to show my excitement this time of the season, and pretty much ONLY this time of the season. Why is that, you ask? Because my Pirates have sucked for so long that it's pathetic. This time of year is pretty much the only time we have a winning record. Unfortunately, I know it won't last. Anyway....

I don't know how many of you may have heard about this, but I was so upset about it when I found out. A man named Bryan Stow went with friends to the season opener at Dodger Stadium to see the Dodgers play his favorite team, the San Francisco Giants.

Bryan is the one on the right.

While he was leaving the stadium, two guys jumped him from behind and proceeded to beat him even after he was unconscious. Apparently, Bryan and his friends had tried to ignore the guys who were heckling them but then they attacked. In case any of you are in the area, this is who they are currently looking for.

Suspects

Bryan has been in a medically induced coma since the attack. They had to remove part of his skull to relieve the pressure. His father said that as of yesterday his temperature has come down and his vitals are stabilizing.  I hope and pray he comes out of this okay.

Bryan is a 42-year-old paramedic who was brutally attacked because two psychos thought this would be fun? He is usually the one helping people, and he was walking away from this idiotic behavior.

It just makes me so mad that these crazy ass punks are free on the streets of LA while he's in a hospital bed fighting for his life. Well, actually I hope that every Dodger fan in the city and surrounding areas are searching for them so much that they are having to hide to save their own lives. The reward is up to $100,000 now if you know of any bounty hunters who could help. Aren't I helpful?

I just can't imagine going to a game and feeling like you couldn't be safe. I've often been asked, especially by family who has never seen a live game except in Pittsburgh, if I wear my Steelers gear (or other team I root for) to games when the Steelers are the visitors. HELL YES, I do! And proudly! We get heckled sometimes, but it's usually good-natured fun. And we can usually get the upper hand on that stuff pretty quickly 'cuz we are just that damn smart. Plus, our boys give us a lot to brag about. But I've never been to a professional game whether it was hockey, football or baseball and not felt safe. (I have had that happen a time or two at minor league hockey games, but that's because the team we were playing against had crazy ass fans!) I will not stop wearing my teams' colors no matter where I go.

They are saying the Mayor wants them to crack down on violence and drinking at the stadium. Why do they always bring up the drinking? I'm sorry, but I don't think that's what caused this at all. A psycho is going to be a psycho whether you funnel beer down his throat or not. Do you agree? I honestly feel bad for Dodgers fans as these suspects were wearing their team's gear and making them all look like thugs. It's not right, and I'm glad to see they are all standing up for Bryan now.

They have set up a Facebook page to keep everyone informed of fundraisers and to gain support for Bryan. That's where I got all of the pictures on this post. Feel free to go see what they have going on, whether you are near the area or not. They have things you can do to help. Most of all keep Bryan in your thoughts. He did nothing but try to go and enjoy a baseball game with friends, and his life is forever changed because of it.

On that wonderfully cheerful note... Happy Friday everyone! I'll be having a drink for Bryan when I get home this evening. Cheers!

UPDATE: By the way, folks. Since these guys haven't been caught yet, we don't even know if alcohol was involved. So that statement by the Mayor was all speculation. I'm a drinker, but I don't drink at games. Not everyone does.

One of those days...

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Do you ever have one of those days? Of course you do, or you wouldn't be bloggers, and blog followers... Well, most of you. In this case, since I know you are all Animals from The Zodiac Zoo Crew, I think it's safe to say most of us relish in each other's misery. Needless to say, I'm having one of those days...

I sent my professor an email last night asking for help on my assignment, which is something I never do really. I just normally figure it out by myself, 'cuz I'm kinda wise like that. I just couldn't figure out from the examples in the book what he wanted me to do to figure out the answers on this case study. So I wrote him and asked for some guidance.

This was his response today. "It's not a trick question.  Just apply your logic, and go with the numbers that show what you think. 

It will NOT fit into a formula directly from the book.  It calls for your original thinking. 

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I hope this helps." 

No, that doesn't freaking help me! Why the hell am I paying all of this money to be in school and spending my precious time reading a textbook if I am supposed to "use my logic?!" Can you tell I was a bit perturbed? Can you? Well, I was. Okay, I will pull it together now.. kinda. Ahem!

I seem to be surrounded by this kind of thing this week. I've had people argue with me over things I agree with them on. I've had people walk up in the middle of conversations they know nothing about, ASSUMING they do know, and arguing with me. Hello! I really want to just flash one of these cute rabbits at them and then walk away. Sound good? It really does to me!  I mean, surely I can't get in trouble for something that doesn't actually come out of my mouth, right? Why can't the world work that way?

Oh, and you know that fancy new camera I bought? Well, I was excited because I got all of the wonderful accessories I ordered before the camera. Ya know, now I can charge the batteries and be ready to go, right? WRONG! The idiots sent me the batteries without the charger. Thanks, Sunshine! I appreciate that. So you know the charger will probably get here after the camera now. Total bummer....

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To top it all off, I had to go get lunch for some people for a meeting, and it was POURING rain on the worst road in the world to travel on when it's raining. It's one of those roads where you have to straddle the two rivers pooling in each lane of traffic. This pickup truck rushes by me like his ass is on fire, and he shoots this wave of water over my Jeep that was so bad I couldn't see anything for several seconds. I almost had to go home to change my britches after that. Of course, I really should have anyway since I was soaking wet pretty much from head to toe and all the way to my bones. 

Anyway, tomorrow will be better, right? It has to be... I need a cocktail now.

Seeing red.. like any good Taurus will on occasion

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There are some things that just irritate me to no end and make me see red. Let's see. I'm sure I can come up with at least 5 of these for your enjoyment on a Monday.

#1 - For instance, the idiot who drove up behind me in the pouring rain this morning with no lights on planning to blow my doors off when I couldn't even see him coming. Yes, the little man who did that in his dark green Honda this morning needs to be taken out into the swamp and beaten. You know why this is a big deal? Because that's the same type of moron who gets people killed in our little town all the time because they do something stupid on a highway that runs straight through town where people are going 65+ mph. And you know someone else would get blamed for the accident that idiot would cause.

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#2 - Those damn twist ties that are on everything when you open the packages, especially on toys. What. the. hell! We did not have those damn things secured in there like that when we were growing up. You could just pop things out of the box and start playing, dammit! Am I right, or am I delusional in my flashbacks all of a sudden?

I do NOT remember opening packages to see this when I was young. I remember lots of tape, but tape that even I could break. Do we really need all of that crap in there? I know at Christmas and birthdays most of the kids have lost interest and moved on to something else by the time you can get their toys out of the box. Whoever invented that stuff needs to be whipped with a whole roll of those ties. Am I clear about my true feelings on those things yet? Are ya sure?

#3 - My team losing the Super Bowl.. or Stanley Cup... Okay, my team losing at all! Is that better? My family takes sports very seriously as you saw some of during football season. So it irritates me when we are let down with a loss, although I know we can't win them all (though I wouldn't say that too close to any of my family members).

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#4 - As I mentioned, it's Monday. So a list of irritating things would not be complete without putting "mornings" on the list. I really don't like getting up early, and I hate alarm clocks even more. If I could have a job where I could go in whenever I rolled my happy ass out of bed, I would be thrilled. I really need to get working on a novel so I can become famous and set my own hours. That could happen, right? RIGHT?!!

#5 - People who want to argue over stupid things. One of the guys at work was emailing me and another guy back and forth about something that we all agreed on in the first email. Hello! We are agreeing with you, ya nut. Now either come back with something fun to talk about or press on with life.

If you hadn't noticed by now, "red" is the prompt for Studio30+ this week. Come join us and post your link on the website so we can all enjoy them.

For those who are new around here, you do NOT make me see red, and I'm so glad to have you around these parts. Feel free to give me a nudge if I haven't checked out your blog yet. Sometimes I overlook people even if I thought I was already following you.

I finally got Sister #3 to check out my blog Friday night. She sounded shocked that I was funny. How rude, right? Of course, I'm a hoot. At least in my mind, most of it sounds funny as hell. If you don't think so, then it must be you and not me.

Have a great week, folks! I'll announce the winner of my giveaway tomorrow since I forgot until just this moment that I was supposed to do that today.

Not really a book review.. more of a gripe session..

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Have you ever read a book and wondered, "Why the hell did I just waste those hours of my life? I'll never get those back, dammit!" Well, I bought this book because.. Hello! It has dogs in it, right? Most people who write about animals in their books (from my experience) have a sense of humor and they are fun reads.

NOT this book, and for the love of everything that is my great followers, DO NOT click on the source and buy the damn thing. I'll mail you my copy if you want it that bad. I don't want to give that author any more cha-ching. I didn't want to put the source on there, but I didn't want the copyright police all over me someday.

Anyway.. To begin with, this author obviously has a word-of-the-day calendar on her freaking desk! I read this in paper form before my Kindle so I couldn't look up all the big damn words she decided to put on pretty much every page. I mean you wouldn't believe some of the things she would stick in odd places. I consider myself a pretty well-educated person so I don't normally need to look things up. If nothing else, I can usually figure out what a word means from the context. With her, it was like she just wanted to challenge herself to see how many of these off-the-wall words she could put in there.

My next problem was the storyline. It is supposed to be about a group of people who hang out at the dog park and one of them goes missing. So the others decide to try to find out what happened to her. I thought it was be humorous. NOT! These people were just plain strange, and not in a quirky, fun kinda way either. I wanted them ALL to be missing by the end of the book. And I won't even BEGIN to tell you how freaking stupid the ending of the book was!

In closing on that topic, do not waste your time on this book. A friend at work heard me bitching about it one day so she picked on me like crazy every time she saw me with it after that. I just had to give the author the benefit of the doubt and finish the damn thing. Yeah, I'm that kinda stupid. I just wanted to warn you all since I knew many of you love to read and are animal lovers. Oh, and if you are a writer, this might be a tool of how NOT to write a novel. (I'll feel really bad if the author stumbles onto this post, but maybe she'll change some things in her next novels.)

While we are talking about dumb things, wanna see the wonderfully stupid thing my town did?

Beautiful entrance to an industrial park, right?

Do you know what this expensive little project leads to? Absolutely NOTHING! It is simply an entrance and turnaround to what they hope will someday, maybe, if we pray really hard, industrial park. We have companies leaving our little town, but this is where we'll put our Obama incentive money, by God! Heaven forbid we fix the stinking highway that runs right through the town so I'm not hitting a million holes on the way home every day. I'm so proud that this is where my tax dollars went. Aren't you?

Okay, I'm done with my rants for the day. I have two article critiques to do by tonight, so I better get crackin'.

Why I'm going to hell.. or at least one reason..

Katsidhe over at Tapetum Lucidum cracked me up yesterday (as she usually does) with a post about prudes that we are surrounded by who can't handle it when we get a bit potty-mouthed at times. Okay, she gets a lot potty-mouthed, but so can I on occasion. I should do that NOW since I lost TWO freaking followers because of my stupid news post yesterday. I mean... What. The. Fuck?! Did I offend 2 meth heads or 2 battered women or what? I don't get it. I'll get over it, but making my way to 100 does not happen by going backwards. Although I think I got a new one yesterday so that took some of the sting away. You didn't come here to hear me rant though, so I'll get on with it. Ahem!

Anyway, Kat's post made me think of something that happened several years ago when my potty mouth tried to get me in trouble with the Lord. Well, kinda... We used to have season tickets to our local minor league hockey team who are no longer here. We had a blast at the games, and pretty much everyone in our section had been season ticket holders in the same seats since the start of the team several years before that.

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If you've never been to a minor league hockey game, hockey fans are a hoot! We can be a rowdy bunch, much like the players because these guys are trying to make it to the big leagues so they play hard. We got many people hooked who hated hockey before actually attending a game.

However, this particular night our top goalie was out with a major injury and wouldn't be back for months, if ever. We were all pretty upset about it, but they had to put in the rookie who was this punk kid from Harvard who hadn't had to start a game yet. As a person, I loved him. As a player, he hadn't proven a thing to us yet. Being the minors, we had to have an amateur (someone who just played in the local men's hockey league) dress as backup on the bench that night because you can't just pick up a goalie overnight like you can in the NHL.

I am normally a very supportive fan, but there is only so much a girl can take. This goalie (who we called Luc-pronounced "loosh") was having the worst game in the history of our team. We were down like 6-1 and our goalie let in another puck. After which, I promptly stood up and screamed, "Luc, you are a sorry sack of SHIT!" I'm sure I looked something like this at the time.

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A man who had been sitting in our section for years with his wife and sometimes with his granddaughters who did nothing but color or sleep at the games got up and came over to my seat. He stood in the row in front of me and leaned over so far that I had to lean back to keep him from being too close to my personal space.

He proceeded to go on and on about how he was a preacher and he didn't appreciate my language in front of children. Of course, I looked over his shoulder and his granddaughters were sound asleep. I let him go on for a few minutes, before I stood up so he would back the hell off.

Me: Are you finished? Because I'd really like to say my peace now. You are at a HOCKEY game, Mister. You have sat in this section and renewed your season tickets year after year when you could move anywhere else in this arena. You know how all of us are in this section, and we have never sat here quietly watching the games. Those kids with you are oblivious to what's going on to the point that they could get nailed in the head with a puck! Feel free to move your season tickets, and I'm sure you'll hear much worse than what has come out of my mouth. So you can go back to your seat, get out of my face, and kiss my ass! I am not in church, and I don't appreciate you coming over here to preach at me.

He went back to his seat with a glance at my parents who were sitting beside me who just looked on stunned that he had even approached us. My mother patted me on the back (gotta love that woman!) and my friends who sat in front of me turned around to ask what the hell he had just said to me. Misty, who had 2 small children of her own, promptly turned around, looking right toward him and said, "FUCK HIM!" God bless her. I wanted to kiss her at that point.

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I mean I'm probably going to hell now, but at least I managed to hold my tongue with the man with the exception of telling him to kiss my ass. It was a hockey game after all, regardless of whether or not we live in the Bible Belt. And I'll have plenty of friends there with me when I go, I'm sure.

By the way, he never changed his seats to another section.

P.S. Kat showed her puppies for all of you menfolk's heart health like Oilfield Trash requested. I didn't want to tell you before now because I wanted to finish my damn story. So go enjoy and show her some love for the sacrifice.

Your regularly scheduled program... is back!

Hello, everyone. Did ya miss me? I'm sorry to all of my regular followers for my absence, and especially to the new ones who came here expecting to be entertained. Last week was a crazy ass week! I felt kinda like this all week, both at work and at home.

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Our company has been bought by a much bigger one so we have been making sure we have all of our programs up to snuff for their coming audits. Last Monday was the first day under the new company so it was a crazy time around these parts. I'm optimistic about the new company since my boss tells me that getting my degree might help me advance more with the new owners, but we'll see. I'm glad I'll be finishing my degree in June since we have no idea how our education assistance and other benefits will be yet.

For those of you who saw my one pitiful post last week, I don't think the new dog is going to work out. I told the lady I got her from that I didn't want to inherit someone else's problem. Well, it appears that's exactly what they were trying to make me do, so she is going back to them after work today.

This dog is supposed to be a year and a half old. She had 3 accidents in the house just on Saturday. I've caught her chewing on things, mainly my Dooney & Bourke pocketbook! What the hell? She had toys and bones laying around for her to play with, but she decided my purse and my textbooks would be good chew toys. I'm sorry but I'm not having that. If I wanted to deal with that kind of thing, I would have gotten a puppy.

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I was simply trying to help out someone who wanted to find a home for a pet they didn't have time for anymore. I didn't even feel right trying to find a home for her since I couldn't honestly give the dog to someone else knowing she has issues. I feel bad for Bailey because she was enjoying playing with her, but with everything I have going on I don't have the time or patience for all of that kind of trouble. I swear I wanted to strangle the little thing Saturday night, and I don't normally feel that way about any dog. But she squatted right in front of me to relieve herself on my living room rug without ever going anywhere near the door! I wish I had gotten a picture of Bailey's face because she looked as stunned as I was.

So I guess it'll just be me and Bailey for now. I don't mind making time to play with my baby girl, and she knows how to entertain herself with a bone or other toys when I need time to do things. I need to start exercising again anyway, so it will be good for both of us.

As you can see, I just didn't have time last week to keep up with the blog or your posts. I'll be trying to catch up this week, but I definitely won't leave you all hanging without reading material like that again if I can help it. I am up to 80 followers now! I'm hoping 100 isn't too far down the road, and for that I can't be a slacker. I love having you all here as much as I enjoy reading your blogs.

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Unfortunately, that's how my intentions feel lately since you all are so great at writing in your blogs. I'll be back to entertaining you all on a regular basis once Bailey and I get our house back to normal... which should be tonight!

Southerner or Yankee?

As some of you know, I was a military brat. Some say I'm still a brat, but that's okay. I wear the title proudly. My dad was in the Air Force and retired a Chief after 26 years in the military. Both of my parents were born and raised in Pittsburgh, and I am the youngest of four girls. I was actually born in Panama, where I think I've mentioned before that I plan to retire someday. Most of you weren't around my blog back then. It's a beautiful place, and especially after the winter we all have had, I could handle living somewhere that's pretty much not below the 70's all year round.

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I could handle this being my view every day!

I am all about my biggest worry being whether to go to the Pacific or the Atlantic on any given day. They have a rainy season, but I can handle that without the cold. They have awesome perks for Americans to come down there and retire, too. I just have to find out if the perks are the same for me, because I'd hate to go down there and not be allowed back! I mean, they have daily flights back home, but with me being born down there I want to make sure I don't give up my US citizenship by moving down there.

Anyway, we have lived many places since I was born including Virginia, Germany, New Mexico, and then here to South Carolina where my dad decided to retire. At the time most of our family were still in Pittsburgh, and my mom's brothers had moved to Florida so this was in the middle. I was a late attempt at a boy so I didn't move as much as my sisters did. We moved to SC when I was 12, and Dad retired when I was 15. 

When we go home to Pittsburgh, people up there say I have a southern accent. People down here say I'm a Damn Yankee. Most of you know the difference between a Yankee and a Damn Yankee, right? Well, for my foreign friends, a Yankee is someone who comes down here to visit while a Damn Yankee is someone who comes down here to live. Yes, there is still a bit of a Civil War undertone to the statement, but most of the time it doesn't bother me.

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Many down here still think that though I am not one of them.

One night in a bar, I won a bet because someone kept calling me a Damn Yankee. I threw $20 on the pool table and told him that I bet I was born farther south than he was. Of course, it wasn't a very fair fight, but he was a dumbass, so what did you expect me to do? He was being an ass. He threw his money down and asked where I was born. When I told him Panama, he said, "Ha! Panama City! I was born in Key West." And he tried to scoop the money up. I slammed my hand down and told him that, "I said Panama, as in the Panama Canal Zone, genius!" He swore up and down to me that Key West was still farther south. I told him if he could ever show me a map where Key West was farther south, I'd give him his money back with interest. He not only lost the bet but had to buy me a drink because I beat him at pool. He was NOT a happy camper. 

Many people down here get a kick out of seeing what I'll eat and what I won't. Like I refuse to eat grits. I'm sorry, but grit is a state of mind and not a food! It's like eating Cream of Wheat, and I'm not eating that either.

There are many things that I love about the south, and many things I like to separate myself from. I'll address the elephant that is usually in the room when people from other states think of South Carolina. Personally, I think everyone needs to get over the damn Confederate flag being up in our state capital. Jesse Jackson can picket our borders forever, but it's not stopping tourism from coming here. We are basically the golf center of the US in many ways. Hell, my uncle who lives in PA goes to the beach down here more than I do. Unfortunately, they put the least literate people on the national news to talk about the flag. It's not coming down, people. And I don't think it should. To most people down here, it's simply a symbol of this state's history and them wanting to preserve state's rights and has nothing to do with slavery. There are proud people in this state, and they don't want to let it go. That's the way I see it anyway, and so do most of the people I know. (Oh, please tell me I'm not going to lose followers over this, but I had to tell my opinion! If you feel differently, feel free to say so. This isn't a debate I haven't had with others in my own state before. I respect your opinions so please respect mine.)

Okay, I really didn't mean to get off on that tangent. But you tell me... Am I a southerner because I've lived most of my life down here? Or am I a Yankee because I've lived so many other places and I was raised by two Yankees? Maybe I'm a Damn Southerner? Wait, that doesn't sound right either. I am proud either way. I couldn't believe how many down here had never been farther than Myrtle Beach, let alone outside of the state. But I guess it comes from being around the military for most of my life, even after moving here.

Stay tuned for a guest post I'm doing elsewhere later today. I think you'll enjoy it. I'm thinking tomorrow needs to be another Blast from the Past post or another funny Mom story. We'll see!

I'm afflicted

I have always had problems with my ankles. Pretty much my whole family was blessed with these wonderful ankles that are missing a tendon or something according to the doctors. I even had to have surgery on my foot years ago because a bone decided it wanted to just keep growing and it hurt like hell. I mean, bring me to my knees if something even brushed up against that bone kinda pain. Good times!

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Of course, the surgery ended up causing another problem with my ankle that developed while it was in a cast for about 11 weeks. They wanted to do surgery again, and when they told me I'd have to be in a cast that long again, I basically told them where they could shove it. If you've never been on crutches before, it is NOT fun. When you can't even go get yourself something to drink because you can't carry it back to where you were sitting, it gets to be pretty aggravating.

Well, I am pretty sure I have carpal tunnel in both of my wrists because they are pretty much shot. Working on a computer your whole life will accomplish that goal. Although I don't ever remember putting that on my bucket list. The main times that it bothers me is when I have to do something strenuous like trying to use a screwdriver or trying to mix something in a bowl by hand. Having no leverage in the wrist area doesn't help there.

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So the day before yesterday, I somehow managed to pinch a nerve in my right hand around my thumb while getting into my car. Don't ask me how I did it. I'm just coordinated that way. Hello?! Have you met me or is this your first visit? I am talented at hurting myself in the oddest ways.

Ever since it happened my thumb and forefinger have a life all of their own. When I have my hand on the mouse, my finger and thumb just jump on their own at strange intervals. It's very strange to look at your hand and see this happening when you just have it laying on the counter. It happened yesterday at a meeting and the woman sitting next to me was looking at me like I was an alien being. It's not like I can help it. Well, not this time! I mean, sometimes I do strange things that make people look at me that way, but this isn't something I could stop doing. I really wish it would quit because it's freaking me out! 

See, I told you I was afflicted! Getting old really sucks. I guess I'm just having one of those days when I'm feeling my age. I really hate it when that happens. So someone make me laugh. M'kay? Is it Super Bowl Sunday yet??? 

Crazy As a Loon

Dear Crazy As a Loon,

You have been in my life for a long time, and you have hurt many people that I love and care about. But, ya know what? I am done! Your words will no longer get my blood pressure up because you are not worth my time.

Your actions will definitely no longer surprise me because I hope to not have to hear about them anymore. I'm very grateful that at this point you can no longer breed anymore, however. Although I love all of your children, we don't get to pick our family so they are never to blame for what you do. They will all come to know the person you are as they get older.

I have heard the word selfish thrown around many times in my life and aimed at many people, including myself. I know that I am nothing like you, and I never thought anyone could be at the level of selfishness that you are. Of course, you have surpassed all of my expectations in so many ways that I can't even describe it here.

While there is no need to air our dirty laundry on the internet, I felt the need to get my basic thoughts down in black and white to get this off my chest. I always feel better after doing so, even if it's just to my blogging friends. Sometimes they give the best perspectives simply because they aren't in the situation to begin with.

I feel sorry for the next person you feel you need to lie to because we haven't bought your crap for a long time now. Trust is something you have to have with loved ones, and that we lost long ago. So enjoy your life and we will happily enjoy ours. It's funny but events are so much less stressful without you around, which we have come to discover recently. If you had only tried to learn to take care of those who depend on you, your life could have been so much different. Good luck!

Very sincerely,

A Fiercely Loyal Taurus Who Has Been Pushed too Far

We will now return you to your regularly scheduled blogs, and this one will return to the fun-loving one you are used to now that the Taurus has gotten that out of her system. :)

South Carolina is back in business... kinda!

If you weren't aware of it, we have had some wonderful winter storms down here in the south this week. Now before you fuss at me to stop my whining, let me put this in perspective for you. I know some of you great folks live in areas where snow is a regular occurrence. I actually enjoy snow, and I'd love it if we got more of it. Unfortunately, our state is not equipped to handle snow. We don't have snow plows or salt trucks to clean the roads or make them a little more drivable for us. Another problem is that most of the time we don't get this...

Scene out of my kitchen window last winter...

We get something that looks like this instead.

It took me 30 minutes to thaw out my vehicle for it to be drivable to work Tuesday. It takes me 6 minutes to get to work, so do you see why I wasn't amused by this?

We lost power because the trees are so freaking heavy with ice that they SNAP! Have you ever heard a bunch of trees just snapping? It sounds like really loud thunder as they all just fall. At least this year it wasn't as bad as the ice storm we had 7 years ago, but still. Why can't we get NORMAL cold weather, ya know? I was so thrilled when we had that snow last year, but that is a rare occasion. And it never lasts for more than a day, if that. Usually it's all melted the same day.

My neighbor was mad because when the power went out Monday, she decided to run to the bank. Ummm, this is South Carolina, chica! The banks are closed. Everything is closed. I love how the news reports say "schools and government offices had to close." Since when does the government need an excuse to close? Most of those offices get more days off than the rest of us chumps.

I also hear about how we can't drive in this crap. Well, NO ONE can drive on ice! I don't care who you are. No, we don't have the practice of driving on snow, but we also don't have the equipment to help with that either. People down here might not be able to drive, but at least they are MY non-driving people. I know what stupid crap they are going to do, so I know what to look out for. My preference is to stay home and curl up on the couch during this madness. If only my employer would agree with that notion...

Did I mention it's freakin' cold outside?!

While we are all freezing our ta-tas and cha-chas off outside, I thought I would give you all this visual. I found this cartoon somewhere several years ago, and I keep it on my peg board at work. (I think it was actually in a safety magazine.)

But anyway.... I must say that while I am shivering in the smoking area at work, if I hear one more person who walks by saying, "Wow, you are really dedicated!" I'm going to stab them with a letter opener. Do they not realize that the only thing we are dedicated to is keeping them alive and not going to jail for killing them? I mean, we smoke outside for their health, right? And if I didn't smoke sometimes, I would really want to go after some people with an office tool. So what would you think is the real dedication? Please think of this the next time you are walking into a nice warm, comfy building and being "cute" to the poor smokers who are standing outside.

This PSA was brought to you by the Talkative Taurus. She only asks that you be nice to your fellow men and women who are smokers, as being anything but nice could cause you physical harm. You might even want to thank them!

Monday morning madness... First edition

I think Monday mornings are going to be my day to bitch and talk about things that irritate me, since I don't like mornings or Mondays anyway. So that's a good place to start, right? I'm a genius! Hmmm, now I guess I need to come up with a logo or picture that just stands for these posts. Any ideas? For now, we'll go with this.

Things that irritate me.
1. Thinking that it can't be too cold outside in the morning because there is no frost on your car, only to discover that's just because the wind is blowing so hard that it never had a chance to settle there.

2. That aforementioned wind actually froze your windows shut. Makes it a little difficult to roll the windows down to punch in at the gate at work.

3. That I didn't get to work early enough to make myself some tea before heading over to give the guys their hearing tests so I had to settle on ice water. And did I mention it's freakin' cold outside??

4. I think that deserves its own number. It's freakin' cold outside!! They must have said 100 times on the TV this morning that it's going to "feel like" it's in the 20's all day. It's not supposed to be that cold here, dammit! Normally they say we get about 10 days below freezing each of the 3 months of December, January, and February in South Carolina. We are going to be more than halfway to the total of 30 days we normally get any day now. Sheesh!

5. It's freakin' cold and we don't even get to play in the snow. At least if it had to be this cold, could we get some damn snow?! See all of you people who are from where it snows have to worry about going to work in it and shoveling it. Ha! Here everything closes down and it never stays long enough to need shoveling.

6. Somehow I only have one more weekend to get Christmas shopping done. I did some online shopping yesterday, but some stuff I'm just going to have to go out to buy. Good thing I did all of that shopping on Black Friday, even though all I wanted to do was sleep that day.

7. We have an outside (environmental) auditor coming in Thursday and Friday, so I have a ton of work to get done before then. That would be fine if it didn't take me until Tuesday for my brain to wake up.

8. I seem to be stuck at the number of followers I currently have. It's like there is a speed bump in the road I just can't seem to get over recently. I guess I'm going to have to break out the new award I made and give it to someone soon so I can get some shout outs. Oh, well lookie there! Mynx already posted my guest blog on her link so go check that out here. Welcome, anyone who popped in from there! Sorry I had a depressing post up until now. That's not usually the norm around here.

A Jackass tried to ruin the Christmas parade

We had our annual Christmas parade tonight in our small town, so we all started lining up at 5:00.

It is colder than usual around here, but we all bundled up pretty well, especially the girl we had dressed in a Dalmatian costume. Unfortunately, we didn't get any pictures because the woman who was going to take them decided to leave too soon, but that's okay. We had a good time, and we were naturally walking for the animal shelter. Well, me and my neighbor walked with our dogs, while everyone else rode in a van or golf cart with their dogs. What the ....? I'm glad I asked my neighbor to go, or I would have looked pretty lonely out there.

Anyway, while everyone was lining up, we had a guy beside us in a truck with a Baptist Church sign on the side of it. Someone who wasn't in the parade tried to come down the street. Now yes, I understand the idiot shouldn't have been driving down there, nor should the people putting this together have let them go down that street but still. It's a Christmas parade, so we make due, right?

Our girl in the Dalmatian outfit asked him if he could move forward just a bit so this little truck could get through. He snaps at her, "I'm not moving. Have them move that damn golf cart!"

I am a God-fearing man, so everyone should fear me!

Smart ass that I am, I looked over and said, "Now that's the Christmas spirit coming from the man in the Baptist Church truck. Thanks!" And I smiled as I politely asked someone to move the golf cart. I'm glad they made his sorry ass get behind us in the parade. It was a little high-five to ourselves for that, because the lady organizing the parade was all about our dogs. She looked out for us all evening, and I love her for that! 

As a side note, I was so proud of Bailey! I thought she would be distracted with everything going on, but she walked down Main Street like a champ and paid attention to me the whole way. I think her ADD self was on sensory overload with everything going on around us. She is currently thoroughly exhausted and asleep at my feet. 

Not us, but it's dogs on parade anyway! I hope to get pictures that others took of us as we were walking down the street. 

My dentist is hot!

Today I had the horrible job of going to see my dentist. Now normally, I would hate this almost as much as going to the gynecologist, but I had to change dentists about 2 years ago to a new guy because my dentist retired. Now it's not so bad, because my dentist is HOT!

I don't mean hot like I'd slap your momma to get some of that like this guy ...

I'd make Jason Statham take his shirt off, too!

But he's hot anyway. I kept trying to figure out the whole time I was there today how I could click a picture of him, but I couldn't come up with a good enough story to justify it. Everything I thought of made me sound like a stalker, and I've already been accused of that elsewhere. *Ahem!* 

He has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen, and with the hint of gray at his temples, it just makes them shine all the more. He was in a chatty mood today, and it didn't hurt my feelings one bit as I got to sit there and practically drool on him. Good thing he couldn't read my mind. And I had an excuse for the drooling thing at a dentist's office. Right? (By the way, look up "drooling woman" on Google images and check out the crazy shit that will come up. What the...?)

As I was walking up, I did notice something that amused me though.

It's one thing to have the step painted yellow... and the banister... but did we really need the sign, too? There's one on the other side also! Obviously someone has tripped over this tremendously high and inconspicuous step before enough times that it prompted them to have to take all 3 measures (I'm hoping only one at a time) to make it more visible. Stupid people really amuse me sometimes. 

See, I told you I could write a post that didn't include animals! ... Oops! Dammit! 

Things that irritate me...

Of course, these are just a few things that came to mind lately that I thought I'd share with you.

1. As many of you know, I am on the board for the animal shelter. People always feel the need to tell me great ideas for things we should be doing. However, they are not volunteering to DO these things. Well, I'm not having it. My neighbor was all fired up about how we need to educate people to spay/neuter their animals among other things. Great! Make a flyer for me with all the statistics and stuff for me to hand out at events we have. Right? Seriously. Did she expect me to go door to door and educate folks? Jump in and help, dammit!

Help me do these things! Don't just throw ideas out there. I can find those on the internet.

2. On a similar note, we have someone who has been helping the board who also comes up with great ideas for ME (specifically) to do. She called me today and this is how the conversation went. 

Her:  I talked to President today and offered to have the meeting on Monday night at my house!

Me: Great! It doesn't matter to me either way where we have it, but some people don't like us having meetings away from the shelter because that's the only opportunity they have to see the animals. But if you want to contact everyone to make sure that's okay, then it works for me.

Her:  Uhhhhh.... Well... Oh, I need to call everyone? 

Me: Well, this is Friday and we'd have to make sure they were all told because the location has been set since our last meeting.

Her: Ummmm.. My internet is down, and I'm not sure I have everyone's numbers.

Me: Whose don't you have? I can give you the numbers with no problem.

Her: Why don't we just go to the shelter and check things out for about 20 minutes and then go to my house? It's only a couple of blocks away.

Me: That's fine with me, but you should call Long Time Board Member to make sure it's okay with her because she was the one who told me about the complaints before. (Of course, my evil mind knows Long Time Board Member will probably talk her out of it.)

Needless to say, she wasn't happy that I put this right back on her. Why the hell should I have to call everyone to tell them we are changing the meeting place when you decide to tell me about this on Friday afternoon? I don't have much of a life, but geez! I would like to enjoy my weekend. And does it matter when she tells me? She's still the one who wanted to change the location. Am I right? I'm just saying....

3. I might as well throw in one more on the subject. I have people who call me for EVERYTHING concerning the shelter. Maybe I'm being too nice? I spent most of this week playing email and phone tag with a lady who knew a guy who wanted to adopt a bunch of dogs and cats for his farm. Explain to me why the hell he didn't just go up there to the shelter. Was all of that really necessary? Needless to say, he hasn't adopted any yet, and I'm sure I'll have to escort him there. 

Seriously? I have nothing better to do than hold your hand.

4. Ants all over my bathroom at 7 a.m. when I am getting ready to shower for work in DECEMBER! What the....?? I've never seen ants come inside when it's cold outside. Which brings to mind, where the hell do bugs go during the winter or do they all just die? I wish these ants had just died, but I'm doing my best to make that happen.

The ants obviously wanted some coffee to start their morning, but I don't know who the hell told them they could find it in the bathroom!

5. The taste of bug spray in the morning... or any time. Because there is no way to walk out of a small room after spraying it and not be able to taste it.

Not me.. I was not thrilled about battling bugs, nor am I ever.

I think that's enough for a Friday night. I'm having some cocktails while I go to read some blogs. But just to clarify, I LOVE helping the shelter and finding homes for the animals. It's the people I have to deal with sometimes that just drive me ape shit.