Some realizations

Have you ever watched someone learn a life lesson in a movie, and thought, "Holy crap, that's me!"? Well, welcome to my world. The man I considered the love of my life left me many years ago. I pined for him for so long that I really didn't give many others a chance. I even had one guy I dated for a while tell me he couldn't live with the ghost anymore because I would only let him so close before he could feel me pulling away.

Well, while watching a movie, I saw an overweight woman discover that she had slowly put on the weight to keep herself from being attractive to others so she couldn't be hurt again. I don't think that's why I put on the weight, but I know it was a bit of a defense mechanism. I am a comfort eater, and when I'm not happy I eat. Now it has become just plain habit! I have so far to go that I get frustrated along the way. I'm hoping this blog will help keep me honest so that I feel like I have someone to answer to, even if no one ever reads it.

Now, am I doing this to find a man? No! I am doing this because somewhere along the way I have lost Krissy. I used to be this outgoing person who did all kinds of activities and had all kinds of friends. Granted, some of my friends have moved away, but that never stopped me from making new friends before. I just want to get healthy and active again and be able to feel good about myself. My dog, Bailey, has even become a bit overweight, and that is just unacceptable. She is young, and I want her sweet face alive and healthy for many years to come.

Do you feel like you have lost yourself, too? Do you find yourself making excuses for reasons not to do things with friends and family? My doing that started when I first got a place of my own with no roommates or anyone around to worry about my every activity. I was also living in the country, so it wasn't like people were popping in on occasion. Now I live in town, but I live in a very small town, and I live about 45 minutes from family.

I have been saying for a while that there are things I'd love to get out and do in this state, but I always put it off. I hope this will be the start of me moving on and moving out of my shell! Who the hell crammed me into that shell anyway? When I turned the dreaded 40, I started having really depressing thoughts about what my mark on this world would be. Well, if I can break out of this shell and help someone else do the same, then I think that's progress. I know I have to start with getting off of my butt to do things, and I need to eat much more healthy foods. I just have to keep reminding myself that my life and body didn't get this way overnight, and it's going to take small steps to get back on track.

I have a lot of friends on Facebook who I think are in the same type of rut. I hope some of them and others will come join me in keeping each other encouraged and moving forward. We can do this if we lean on each other and figure out that it's okay to vent. We all make mistakes, but we just need to pick ourselves up and move on.